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Kicking things off - Not monogamous

ever so slightly obsessed posting in Not monogamous
User: notmonogamous (posted by scien)
Date: 2009-11-08 10:28
Subject: Kicking things off
Security: Public
Sorry I didn't start promoting and things earlier, I kind of forgot that I was going to go on holiday with no internet. Oops!

So hello! Me in brief: I'm UK based, female, and have a preference for what I think of as 'flexible' arrangements with regards to monogamy.

I've been very happy monogamous and I generally find that if I'm really into someone, spending lots of time with them etc, I don't naturally also get into anyone else. So you could say I'm pretty monogamous by nature. But despite that I still prefer to have the freedom to pursue outside interests should I want to. So far in practice I've only ever seen multiple people while it was at very very casual first and second date type contexts, although that's actually looking to change with my third date with someone next weekend... eeeeeee :D

In the other direction, I'm very happy for my partners to do whatever so long as it's safe and honest and I still get the time and attention I want (or preferably more :)). I've never experienced sexual jealousy, which is a bit odd for me because I'm by no means immune to any other kind, including my friends getting newer shinier friends omghalp.

Sometimes I feel like I'm the wrong way around - it's considered entirely 'normal' to have outside crushes but still be jealous around your partner's sexual exclusivity, not to not be jealous while not having much interest in outside encounters yourself! It's caused a bit of tension occasionally but so far people have mostly been able to accept that 'I'm just weird like that' eventually.

Just a reminder, intro posts are currently very welcome just to get some chatter going here. Please do go ahead and introduce yourself :)

Actual post:

Something I've been thinking about lately is 'the thrill of the chase'. I've heard a lot of talk over the years of lurking in polyamory and other communities about NRE, but this seems to me to be a slightly different idea as it ends when the relationship is established.

I'm currently (very casually) involved with someone who adores the time when you're just getting to know someone, slowly opening up, and the sexual tension is so thick you can taste it, and you're not quite sure what's going to happen next. For me, that was a really fun time, but I'm actually happier now that we're more comfortable and all we need to do to get each other into bed is ask. For him, it's less exciting. I'm hoping he'll find someone else to get that excitement with and that will spill over into our interactions too. If not then oh well, I guess he'll have to deal one way or another, since I'm certainly not going to play hard to get :P We're still seeing each other and it's still fun, but he misses that intensity a lot.

I won't be heartbroken if this doesn't work out to be a long term thing, but it would be nice if we could make it work. And this isn't really something I've run across before. So I'm curious about:

* How do you feel about 'the thrill of the chase'? If you/your partners are very into it, what has that been like?
* Does my theory about excitement spilling over match your experiences, or do you find that having that excitement somewhere else makes the established relationship(s) where you already know what's going on look pale in comparison?
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User: biblock
Date: 2009-12-22 06:44 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
I like NRE (I'm currently there with my boyfriend) but, personally, there is just nothing like an established, comfortable relationship. They can still be exciting and fun, but it's less awkward and that means a lot to me. My girlfriend and I are comfortable. I love both of my relationships, but I'm really looking forward to when they are both comfortable. =D

As for it spilling over, my NRE with my boyfriend certainly makes me smile more often and I tend to be more affectionate with her shortly after I interact with him. So, maybe there's something to that. =D It certainly doesn't make my relationship with her pale in any way.
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