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notmonogamous's Journal

Not monogamous
Posting Access:
All Members , Moderated
A community to talk about relationships beyond monogamy

Not monogamous

This community is intended for everyone who doesn't feel that the 'monogamous' label totally fits them.

We welcome anything from multiple long term partners, to dating casually with the intention of eventually settling down, to occasionally kissing someone else at a party, to using nonmonogamy to deal with distance, to group sex, to anything else you can come up with.

Whether you see your non monogamy as part of your romantic or sexual identity, as an intellectual approach based on personal freedom, as a queering of relationships, or as purely sexual; whether it's a way of life, or a temporary solution, or a possibility you're considering - all are welcome and on topic.

You're also very welcome if you are functionally monogamous, but you feel like your approach and assumptions to issues around monogamy would be better understood by people who don't assume that you're monogamous by default.

What we don't want is one true wayists. If you think your preferences for relationship structures are the best or most evolved, you are going to set some eyes rolling. Likewise, no nitpicking about whether something 'counts' as poly, swinging, open, or anything else. We're happy to let people use whatever labels they choose to, or not.

Quick FAQ

Why not be monogamous?
There are as many possible reasons as there are people and situations. Sex, love, exploration, trust, curiosity, fantasies, stability, intimacy... to assume that monogamy is the only way these can play out would be absurd.

So do you think monogamy is bad/naïve/unreasonable/unenlightened?
No, not at all. It's just as valid an option as any other.

Is this 'polyamory'?
Polyamory is a form of non monogamy that has a comparatively large amount of resources and communities attached to it. Which is great! Lots of them are useful to people in all kinds of relationships.

While some people do use the word 'polyamory' to cover all forms of consensual non monogamy, many people prefer to reserve the term only for dating/loving/relationship situations, and at least on LiveJournal, that's how the word is likely to be understood. Whether you choose to consider anything you read about here as 'polyamory' or not is really down to you and your understanding of the word. The people involved are likely to have their own opinions on the matter, of course!

What about cheating?
This community is about ethical non monogamy, in whatever shape that takes. Broadly, to be ethical, we consider that all parties involved should know what the relationship agreements are, and agree to them without coercion or abuse. Cheating is defined here as breaking your relationship agreements, whatever they may be, and we don't include it under the umbrella of ethical non monogamy.

We recognise though that individual situations are more complicated than these ideals, and you are welcome to post about situations relating to cheating. Just be aware that we don't consider it an ethical or sustainable way to conduct your relationships.

Posting rules

• The topic is non monogamous relationships of all configurations. Anything relating to that is on topic, including questions, personal experiences, and discussion posts.

• This community is currently just starting out. As such, introduction posts are very welcome. If you'd like to, then please do post about yourself and your relationships. We'd love to hear how you got started, how you reached your current arrangement, what your experiences have been like with your partners, friends, family... and anything else you want to tell us!

• Be respectful. People here have a wide variety of preferences and experience levels, some of which may be very different to yours.

• No rudeness, no trolling. If in doubt contact the mod scien before posting something, and if you see any trouble, let her know.

• This community is queer and trans friendly. Homophobia and transphobia will not be tolerated. Likewise of course with sexism, racism, ageism, etc.

• Pictures or videos behind an LJ cut please.